pontification

Finishing the final sip of the now cold cappuccino, I look out the window and gaze into a horizon of pastel colored brick buildings punctuated with the minarets of the countless mosques. A stream of vehicles and tuk-tuks cruise down a major street about a half mile away. With a soaring temperature of 50C or 120F, few people are seen walking about, only those with an immediate destination to reach. The heat is the hottest I’ve yet to experience – unlike the suffocating humidity of the south, this is a pure blast of heat, like you stuck your head in the oven. The hotel pool, in the foreground, attracts it’s fair share of guest where the water remains a warm bath tub temperature – and where you must not get stuck in the pool or else the sun will turn you red as a lobster, of which is evident from yesterday distraction and talking to the sun bathing Lebanese stewardesses. The television is showing Aljazeera and emits a nonstop drone of Arabic, while a quite pan flute / Deep Forest like music fills the room. The computer screen shows a detailed list of activities that must be completed on the current project I’ve been tasked with. Despite what might seem like a leisurely stay in a five star hotel, I have also been slaving away – planning, scheming and cost estimating our most recent project in Sudan.

It has occurred to me over the recent months that I have somewhat become what I use to dream of, well, dream is a bit strong. Ever since graduating, working overseas, building infrastructure, became my goal – and without much direction in how to achieve this, I decided that I would pursue it by whatever means. I think I had a similar epiphany back when I first arrive in Juba Sudan one and half years ago – but that was only the beginning and now it has become a concrete part, not a onetime deal. I try to figure out how it all happened and I guess the bottom line is not giving up and doing everything reasonable within my control to continue marching in the direction of what I wanted to do. There was a lot of impatience and times of doubt. Life is really too short to waste it thinking about what you want to do, instead of actually doing it. Sometimes that is a lot easier said than done, but moving the feet instead of warming the couch is definitely one way to make it happen. At times it seems like divine intervention – but there is always much that we are responsible for moving and doing – instead of sitting still. I can’t explain the unknown, but I do control the choices and decisions I make. As I was examining the contents on an old USB flash drive, I came across a folder that I had saved all my various resumes and applications to the endless companies I was chasing a few years ago. In hind sight, it really was a futile effort of sending countless resumes and job applications into the cyber space black hole; although one of them got noticed – but that one wasn’t a random one – there had been a deliberate and planned approached. But that is all in the past.